19 October 2010

Evolution of Relationships


People are always changing and evolving it is a natural course of growing up. We change mentally, emotionally, physically and on many other subtle levels we are largely unaware of. I think that this is why people find it difficult at times to maintain relationships.  Each person is on his or her own independent course of evolution. Who we are today is just a shadow of who we will be in the future. So how then, in this course of inevitable change, do we maintain healthy relationships?

When I was growing up I was blessed to have two very loving and supportive parents. As a child I viewed them as infallible, without faults. They were a constant predictable source of support for me.  Do you remember the day your realized that your parents are just regular people like you? The day that they spoke to you from a common point of view or there was some shared understanding or experience that probably caught both of you off guard. It is kind of like seeing your favorite elementary school teacher out in public for the first time when you were a kid. What is this? They actually leave the school?  Discovering that your parents have hopes, dreams, fears, regrets and insecurities of their own changes your perception and your relationship has inevitably evolved too.

Next something interesting happens. Life as it often does comes full circle. Now you are an adult and have a child of your own. This little child has 100% blind love, trust, and faith in you. You are their super hero, their entire world. You can solve any problem, and protect them from any situation. Meanwhile, you are just learning as you go along, improvising and secretly you are terrified that you will do something wrong. That you wont live up to their expectations. Welcome to the joys of parenthood.

I have found that finding a balance in your life is the most important aspect of maintaining positive relationships. People sometimes think that they need to constantly sacrifice for their loved ones. We tend to put off our own hopes and dreams in support of the dreams of those around us.  I have come to understand that you have to be a little selfish to achieve your dreams. I wake up in the morning, get my daughter dressed and kiss her goodbye at daycare before driving an hour and a half up to campus for the start of my classes. This isn’t to say that it is easy to leave her each day. There will always be days that I find myself wishing that I could spend more time with her. But I know that following my passion and becoming a strong independent and intelligent doctor is a lesson that will transcend words and hopefully will teach her to always go for her dreams.

 For me, I enjoy college. I feed of the stress and pressure and love being given the opportunity to learn something new each day. Children learn by example. Finding my passion in work and academic realms helps boost my self-esteem, which in turn helps strengthen my relationships.

 The most important lesson that I have learned through my college experience and my experiences as a parent is knowing when to put down the textbook and to pick up a children’s book. Finding balance, knowing what is most important in life, and never forgetting what motivates us to succeed. For me this is the foundation for living a fulfilled life as well as maintaining strong and meaningful relationships. 

1 comment:

  1. I remember walking on the beach in Charleston and talking about this!! You're an awesome mom Heather :) Love you, great blog!

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