He has captured my heart, stolen my breath, brought me to tears, and made me feel like I can fly; he only weighs 8 lbs. One deep breath and the blink of an eye, 9 months of anticipation and uncertainty all come to an end and all of my insecurities fade into the background. I look into his eyes and there is clarity, understanding. He knows me. I know him. He is an angel, picture of perfection he has stolen my heart for now and forever. If only for a moment a deep sense of calm, of peace, washes over me and in that moment everything is right in the world.
The experience of becoming a parent is deeply personal and uniquely filled with emotion. There are highs and lows, insecurity and anxiety all wrapped up in a neat little package. All of your fears are on your sleeve and you are exposed. A tiny little being looks to you for all of his worldly needs and in exchange all he can offer is unconditional love and you cherish every drop of it.
The frustration and anticipation leading up to labor is indescribable. You spend your time cleaning, painting, folding tiny outfits and trying to imagine how those miniature little socks could ever fit anyone when in reality they will likely be way too big for quite some time. The contractions come and go, and every time you hold onto a glimmer of hope that this might be the time that they develop into true labor. As you cross out more days on your calendar the weeks seem to stretch into oblivion and a feeling of urgency comes over you.
And then it happens…the contractions start and begin to intensify, some of the most concentrated pain you could imagine. It is a pulsing kind of pain that gets hotter and more intense and then begins to dissipate. As labor progresses there is a fear of the unknown coupled with the excitement of being about to meet your new baby. What is he going to look like? Is he going to have my eyes? How long will I be in labor? Should I have that epidural? How many times do I have to be poked with needles? Blood drawn, twice. IV hooked up and dripping. The wonderfully orchestrated dance of birth.
And then he arrives. Everything else that is going on around you seems to stop and there is perceived silence. Nothing else is in focus. The first time that you look into his eyes there is a beauty and innocence that is unbelievable. A certain magnetism draws you to each other and you know he has secured a place in your heart for eternity. All of the pain, all of the hard work, all of the frustration is gone and you feel like you could fly.
Today I feel more blessed, more complete, and more loved than ever before. I am fortunate to be able to share this experience with my best friend, my husband. As we move together into the future this experience has changed us. Another chapter has been added to our story. Every adventure that lay ahead of us, no matter how harrowing will be made all the sweeter because of these moments that we have shared. I will cherish this time forever. I will never forget the feeling of pure perfection in the moments when I became a parent. Whether it is your first, second or fifth child there is something innately magical about meeting your child for the first time.
Happy Birthday baby Hudson, you have forever changed our lives and captured our hearts.
