With Veterans Day fast approaching I have been doing a lot of reflecting upon my life and everyone in it that has been touched by the military. My brother, whom I love and respect and find to be one of the most wonderful people in the world, is a disabled veteran. He is a Marine who fought courageously during Operation Iraqi Freedom. For a long time I didn’t understand the magnitude of service to ones country. I feel that people can generally conceptually understand the dangers and difficulties related to being in the military but I think that some major pieces one can’t truly understand unless you become immersed in the military life.
Even with my brother’s service I didn’t fully understand how completely being in the military family changes you; how it changes all of your relationships forever. Two years ago, my husband and I were both college students who worked full time jobs and were raising our young daughter. Two years ago, my husband signed the official papers and enlisted in the Active Duty Army. I have gone from being a mother/student/wife/coworker to being an Army Wife. I could never have fully imagined the complete restructuring of my life that would happen over the past year and a half.
I will say that I have been fortunate thus far that my husband has not been deployed yet. That being said, of the past 15 months my husband has been gone for 10 months. The first lesson that I have learned as a new Army Wife is that no holiday or special occasion is sacred. My husband missed Thanksgiving, New Years, my birthday, his birthday, and our daughter’s birthday last year. He is scheduled to be gone 3 weeks after our second child is due, he will miss his birthday, our daughters birthday, and our 6th wedding anniversary this coming year. Once you accept the fact that you have to celebrate special occasions whenever you can it makes being apart much easier. Also, for your sanity you must be optimistic at all times. What I mean by this is, yes he has missed out on a lot but we were so lucky that we had Christmas together, yes he is leaving 3 weeks after the baby is born but we are fortunate that he will be here for the birth. Things like this become important life rafts that you cling to when you are separated.
Parenting is a whole different ballgame when you are married to the Army. First you must prepare your family for the changes that will happen when your significant other leaves for an extended period of time. Next you must accept all parenting responsibilities for the duration. This in itself is a Herculean task at times. Having a young daughter I had to come up with creative ways to keep my husbands influence in the house while he was gone. We made a paper chain that each night we would tear off a ring and put it in a box. Every night she could choose a Hershey’s Hug or Kiss to have from Daddy (Most nights she wanted both and of course how do you say ‘no’ to that?) We wrote letters telling of our day everyday, I asked her if questions such as “What did you do today?” “Who did you play with” “Is there anything that you want to tell Daddy?” and “What do you think that Daddy did today?” I would then either mail the letters out (if allowed) or we would save them and give them to him when he came home. Also, she loves when he draws pictures for her so during periods of time where he couldn’t communicate he would send me a packet of pictures ahead of time that I could ration out and stick in the mailbox every once in a while.
Next there is the indescribable excitement when your soldier is coming home. I remember standing at the bottom of the escalator at the airport with our daughter searching the faces of the many people in military uniforms looking for him. I remember our daughter saying, “is that him?” about a hundred times. Once I had to say, “No sweetie, that is a woman and she has a broken leg.” The second that you see him time stands still. Our daughter would have run UP the escalator if I weren’t holding her back.
The next part is something that I hadn’t really anticipated. Once your soldier returns home you have to completely restructure your life again and reintegrate him back into the family unit. There is a period where you all have to get to know each other again and learn how to work cohesively. My husband left a 3-year-old daughter and came home to a 4-year-old daughter, wow what a difference. I can only speak for myself but this integration period was difficult. When you are alone you become fiercely independent and at times giving up that and allowing your spouse to help out is hard.
So what is it like living on an Army Post?
In my home-town, if you go driving at 5:30 in the morning you see maybe 6 cars on the road, a short line of cars at the McDonalds drive through restaurant and a handful of people wearing button down shirts waiting in line at Starbucks coffee house. Living on a military instillation is like living in another world comparatively. At 5:30 in the morning when you drive across post you will see the following: A line of cars a mile long at every post entrance waiting to pass through the checkpoint, police cars at all major intersections with their blue lights flashing, waving soldiers across the streets during morning PT. Every morning starts with PT (Physical Training). Driving around post you might see, runners, ruckers with 70 lbs. on their backs, people doing pushups, pull-ups, sit-ups. At 06:15, 06:30, 17:15, 17:30, and 24:00 you hear a trumpet sounding cadences over the loud speaker and it can be heard throughout post.
A typical week for PT might look like this:
Monday: 5 mile run
Tuesday: Lifting at the gym
Wednesday: Running the stairs
Thursday: Combination of sprinting, push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups
Friday: 6 mile ruck march with 40-70 lbs. on your back (combination of running/walking)
Add onto this, being dropped off at a drop zone and waiting for your chance to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft. Good morning soldier, now you can START your actual 8-hour workday.
The other day I had to run to the Commissary to get some milk. As it turns out the milk is on the exact opposite corner of the store from the entrance so I had to walk the length to get it. Think of your local grocery store at home. On my short journey through the store I saw 6 injured soldiers. Injuries range from broken bones to lacerations of the face. It is a common scene to see a young married couple, perhaps the wife is pregnant and she is pushing her husband in a wheelchair through the store.
Fort Bragg has a population of around 30,000 people. NC State University also has a population of around 30,000 people. Now imaging for a moment that you are a college student living on campus. Your whole life for four years revolves around the relationships that you forge on campus. You might belong to groups and organizations, you find friends attend sports events and you find a real sense of community. Now imagine that every week 2-4 students are killed. That is what it is like living on Fort Bragg. Every week in the local newspaper there is a column titled “Soldiers killed in Iraq” and “Soldiers killed in Afghanistan” Every soldier has a written bio that talks about their military career, the names and ages of their children, wives, or husbands who have been left behind. I remember vividly on week grabbing the newspaper off of our porch and on the front page were the faces of 8 Fort Bragg soldier. We lost 8 soldiers that week in Afghanistan.
Fort Bragg is attached to Pope Air Force base; the scene at the Pope airfield is a mixed bag of emotions. Some days you have planes bringing soldiers home who have been on 12-15 month deployments. You see soldiers meeting their newborn child for the first time, 5 year olds racing into their parents arms that they haven’t seen since they were 4 years old, and wives and girlfriends dressed to kill anxiously awaiting the moment when they see the love of their lives for the first time in a long time. Other, more somber days you see family members gathered close together getting ready to receive their soldier’s body. Then, you have the “goodbye” sessions as soldiers prepare to leave for their deployments. There is not a tear free face; there are prolonged embraces quiet goodbyes and children looking to their parents for cues as to what they should be feeling.
In the six months that I have been living on post at least 27 soldiers from our post have been killed overseas. I thought that it would be appropriate to mention them as Veterans Day approaches and thank them and their loved ones for their sacrifice and service to our country.
Fort Bragg Soldiers Killed in Action
Capt. Jason E. Holbrook, 28
Staff Sergeant Kyle R. Warren, 28
Capt. Daniel Whitten, 28
PFC Zachary Lovejoy, 20
SPC. Scott Andrews
SPC Jerod Osborne, 20
SPC Keenan Cooper, 19
1st Lt. Christopher S. Goeke, 23
Staff SGT Sheldon L. Tate, 27
SPC Christopher J. Moon
SPC Chase Stanley, 20
SPC Jesse D. Reed, 26
SPC Matthew J. Johnson, 21
SGT Zachary M. Fisher
SPC Joseph D. Johnson, 24
PFC Gunnar R. Hotchkin, 31
SGT Mario Rodriguez, 24
SGT Eric Colby Newman, 30
SPC Ronnie Joseph Pallares, 19
SGT 1st class Ronald A. Grider, 30
Master SGT Jared N. Van Aalst, 34
SPC Brendan P. Neenan, 21
PFC Billy G. Anderson, 20
First Lt. Salvatore Corma, 24
SPC. Joseph T. Caron, 21
SGT 1st class Carlos Santos-Silva, 32
PFC Ryane G. Clark
I hope that my experiences might give some level of perspective on what it is like being an Army Wife. I know that my experiences and perspective will evolve over the duration of my husband’s service. I can say with all of my heart that I appreciate the sacrifices that every soldier, and every family member makes from the large sacrifices to the small silent ones. There is no one that I have more respect for than someone who is willing to serve his or her country. Thank you, and Happy Veterans Day!
No comments:
Post a Comment